Don't Make So Much Noise When You Eat
by Cadfish
Summary: Doumeki takes the initiative. Watanuki tries not to complain… too much. Panting and a long, thick, wooden stick is involved. Rated M for a Misunderstanding.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Don't Make So Much Noise When You Eat

**Disclaimer:** I don't own XXXholic. This fanfiction will be confusing to some and thoroughly disappointing to others.

**Summary:** Doumeki takes the initiative. Watanuki tries not to complain… too much. Panting and a long, thick, wooden stick is involved. Rated M for a Misunderstanding.

* * *

"Don't make so much noise," Watanuki panted, "when you eat."

Doumeki continued, very audibly not following Watanuki's advice.

Watanuki, on the other hand, began to grow very hot, his breathing growing ever more labored. A couple minutes later, and his muscles felt like they were spasming and turning to mush all at once. And suddenly, an entirely new sensation: his whole body stiffened, his back arched slightly, his mouth open in a loud gasp.

Doumeki slowly licked his fingers, and gave one last swallow. "Tastes good," he remarked in a smug voice, lifting his head to look Watanuki in the eye. And then he reached downwards, saliva glistening on his fingers.

Watanuki endured for as long as he could, but in the end he let slip a small whimper and pressed Doumeki a little closer to him. Doumeki stopped then, concerned.

"We can stop if you want."

Watanuki shook his head. He didn't trust himself to speak, he knew that by now, his voice would come out all weak and shaky, and he did not want to give Doumeki the satisfaction that this was tiring him out so easily.

"Or a short break."

Watanuki could barely catch his breath. His vision was whitening near the edges and the shapes began to swirl together. His hand on Doumeki's shoulder trembled. Doumeki began to untangle himself from Watanuki, relieving Watanuki of the taller boy's weight.

"Don't you dare," Watanuki hissed through clenched teeth. He grabbed Doumeki's shirt in a death grip. "I can take it. Keep going."

"No."

"What do you mean no? We've already gotten this far!" Watanuki tried to push forward, but Doumeki was holding him back and wouldn't let him continue.

"I'm too big for you. We're going to have to sit down and figure out how to make this work."

Leave it to Doumeki to make it as blunt as possible, but Watanuki had to agree. "Then what do you propose we do?"

Doumeki eyed a long stick nearby. He bent down a bit uncomfortably to pick it up and then hefted it. It was heavy, but smoothed down and without any visible splintering.

"Tell me you're not being serious."

"It's thick enough."

There was a long silence, and then Watanuki nodded. "Fine, but hurry. Your lower body needs attention and the sooner the better."

Watanuki quietly stared at said lower body part while Doumeki held the stick in various positions trying to find the one most comfortable.

Doumeki noticed him staring. "It's not a big deal."

Watanuki shook himself from his thoughts and couldn't look Doumeki in the face. "Thank you."

And with that, they stood once more and made their way slowly down the street. Doumeki leaned against Watanuki. He was favoring his right leg which had been mangled while saving Watanuki from yet another uncompromising demon, and his left ankle was slightly sprained too. Making full use of the makeshift crutch he had found, Doumeki was able to half hobble on it to relieve Watanuki from carrying his full weight.

"I'm sure Yuuko-san will be able to fix it." Watanuki said, comforting himself more than Doumeki.

They continued at the slower but more steady pace towards Yuuko-san's shop.

Watanuki looked down at the lunch bag he carried at his side. "You can finish the last one if you want."

Doumeki reached down and grabbed the last onigiri from Watanuki's side bag and began to chew noisily, as usual.

"Tasty." He said when he finished and licked the rice off of his fingers.

By the time they reached Yuuko-san's shop, she was already waiting outside the gateway. As they drew closer Watanuki was surprised that her normally serene, unfazed expression had turned dark and stormy.

"Your performance today was disappointing on many levels." She said to the both of them in a tense voice. Then, turning to Doumeki, she added, "Especially you, Doumeki-kun. It was unlike you to be so very misleading."

She motioned them to follow her into the house. Watanuki helped Doumeki up the porch steps and wisely decided not to ask Yuuko-san what was wrong.

The black bouncing furry wonder bounded up before Yuuko-san as she entered. "Mokona _told_ you planting eavesdropping devices in April First's school uniform was a bad idea!"

"YOU WHAT??"

* * *

**A/N** – Yes, I did that on purpose. I'm horrible and have nothing to say in my defense. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, what were you thinking, you naughty little unprepared things – reading a rated M story?

(I always liked imagining Yuuko setting them up. She'd be such a wicked matchmaker.)


	2. Dropping Those Eaves

**Title:** Don't Make So Much Noise When You Eat

**Disclaimer:** I don't own XXXholic. This fanfiction will be confusing to some and thoroughly disappointing to others.

**Summary:** Doumeki takes the initiative. Watanuki tries not to complain… too much. Panting and a long, thick, wooden stick is involved. Rated M for a Misunderstanding.

**A/N: **I couldn't resist. Chapter features _Oblivious!Watanuki_ with a chance of_ Jealous!Doumeki_.

* * *

**Chapter 2:** Dropping Those Eaves

Doumeki spent the night.

After helping him with the bandages, Watanuki prepared a futon for him in one of the many rooms in Yuuko's house.

Doumeki waited two hours, quietly meditating, but Watanuki did not reappear to join him with a futon of his own.

He blamed the wishful thinking on the headache splitting at his head. He went to bed somewhat angry with himself.

______

The next morning, Doumeki pensively flipped through one of Yuuko's books. It was a picture book, simple but tastefully done illustrations of a lonely rabbit. He shifted in his seat at the western-elevated table, his leg propped up on the chair beside him. Setting the book down on the table, he put a hand where it throbbed right below his knee. Wrapped tightly in many layers of clean white bandages, he could still feel a burning heat emanating from the wound.

Before leaving for some errand or the other, Yuuko had left him with a black cane inlayed with an intricate silver design and a very troubling diagnosis.

The demon they had run into the previous night was no more than a strong negative human emotion that had been so powerful and painful that it had condensed into a solid form. Any weak unsuspecting humans passing it by would be possessed by the feelings the demon manifested from, depending on the person's emotional state. Calm, composed hearts were much harder to manipulate than a confused emotional wreck.

And Watanuki was a walking emotional frenzy. Add to that his irresistibility with the demon-crowd, and it was small wonder why they'd had a run-in with one the night before. But they were short-lived beings, with little fondness for physical touch and were therefore not known for biting.

He eyed the pile of spellbooks and exorcism tomes stacked on the chairs and table around him. Most of them he was already familiar with, but from what he had gathered, none of them were able to explain why the animal had chosen to target him or why there was a distinctly crescent-shaped slashes on his calf.

Yuuko had told him that he was definitely infected with _something_ – what it was exactly, even she did not know (or wouldn't tell him). And whatever it was, it was getting worse. That morning he had woken with a fever that had steadily worsened even now past two in the afternoon.

He knew that his body would need some rest in order to continue his research, but he wouldn't recover until he found a plausible cure. He turned another page, not really taking in the words, and instead wondered what Watanuki was doing at that very moment.

This morning, upon finding out that Doumeki was not recovering, Watanuki had served him a light breakfast and set out to school (it was a Sunday) to retrieve his bow and arrows from the archery club's storeroom, thinking that they might be of some use to purify the bite. He had been gone for nearly an hour now, surely he would be back soon?

"_You're not half-bad at this_," said the voice of a stranger, through a profusion of static.

Doumeki looked up from his book in time to catch a cell phone that would have otherwise hit him squarely in the head. Mokona applauded from the tabletop.

A soft sigh crackled from the receiver, seemingly on speakerphone. Doumeki raised an eyebrow, but Mokona shushed him and motioned him to listen.

His eyes widened a little when he recognized the next voice.

"_I've had a lot of practice_," said Watanuki, his voice sounding strangely hoarse and breathy even through the cell phone. "_I've always had to do it for myself when I was growing up. So I got pretty good at it_."

"_I'll say_." The other voice chuckled. "_You know, normally people aren't this good at it unless they've done it for someone else already_."

A crease appeared between Doumeki's eyes as he tried to place a face to the voice; he thought he might vaguely remember a classmate with that similar smug, son-of-a-bitch tone. His hand tightened around the cell phone.

"_Hey, Watanuki,"_ said the other voice, and his breathing became shallower and more labored, "_I can't – I can't…for much longer_."

And Watanuki replied with an affirmative "_hmm_" that was dragged out for so long, it sounded almost like he was humming.

"_Nngh_!" said the voice. And then gasped for air like someone coming up from a long dive. Watanuki made a noise that sounded very much like swallowing.

Doumeki realized then that it didn't matter who this stranger was; once he found out, he was going to obliterate their existence off the face of the earth anyway.

"_Well, all done!_" said Watanuki cheerfully.

The blood pounded through Doumeki's head like booming thunder. His fever did nothing to help his confusion or his frustration. The cell phone audibly cracked as his grip tightened. He couldn't think straight.

He stood, cane clattering to the floor. When he bent to pick it up, his leg twisted, and he collapsed to the floor, breathing hard and a new streak of red staining his bandages.

"Ah!" cried Mokona, "Doumeki's wound reopened! Mokona will get new bandages, wait here!"

The little creature bounced around the corner and out of sight.

When Mokona returned, wearing a roll of bandages around his middle like a tutu, Doumeki was gone.

_____

Watanuki straightened his classmate's tie with a final adjustment. "Well, all done!"

The two of them (fully clothed, Watanuki hadn't even taken off his heavy overcoat) stood outside the teachers' offices in the hallway. His classmate was slightly doubled over, trying to catch his breath.

"Sorry, did I tie it too tight?"

"No, a moment there I thought you were choking me, but thanks." Said his classmate. He grinned at Watanuki. "I'd never be ready for this interview if not for you."

Watanuki cleared his throat loudly and swallowed hard (again). His throat felt a little sore; perhaps he shouldn't have run the entire way to school on such a cold day.

"I could teach you how to tie a necktie in class. A Pratt or a diagonal knot would suit you better than the Winsor…" Watanuki smiled, but his attention was obviously elsewhere. "Sorry, I should get going, someone is expecting me…"

His classmate waved him goodbye and promised to repay him.

Watanuki left hurriedly, a growing sense of urgency left him feeling decidedly uneasy.

_____

The air outside was deliciously cold and felt wonderful on Doumeki's face as he staggered down the streets on the way to the high school. At first, he made good pace with the cane – it was a good sturdy support – but after a couple blocks, the cold air felt like it was stealing the warmth from his bones, and his skull felt like it was being crushed between two concrete blocks.

He leaned against a brick wall, deciding that a quick breather would be necessary if he didn't want to pass out on the side of the road. His vision began to tunnel into darkness, and he put a hand to his closed eyes. He let slip a dark chuckle.

Just what was he doing here?

His legs finally buckled and he slid down the wall, dropping the cane in the process.

He thought he could feel something warm and wet trickling down his leg and collecting in his shoe, but he couldn't tell for certain as his general leg-area was rather numb. He didn't want to open his eyes and see.

How pathetic must he seem?

And just then, as if a higher power was at work, he was able to see himself. There he was, slumped in the gutter, he looked a right mess, and to top it all off, yes, his leg was bleeding. Quite a lot too.

Strange though, how his eyes were closed. Not that he'd be able to see himself with them open anyway.

"Doumeki??"

Doumeki opened his eyes. Through one of his eyes, he could still see himself, bleeding into the gutter, but through the other, he saw Watanuki staring straight back at him.

"What the hell are you doing here???"

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

* * *

**A/N **– Figuratively and literally Doumeki is in the gutter. Maybe he'll drag Watanuki in with him! :D


End file.
